i'm fine... and other adorable lies
“How are you doing?”
“I’m fine."
“Yea... ok.”
How many of you know this to be a really wonderful deflection, repression, and avoidance, phrase.
It is often easier to deflect and skim the surface than to truly become curious with yourself about how you are actually doing. This trick only works for so long because what we know to be true is that...
what we resist, persists,
and what we repress, explodes.
One of the gifts of therapy is the space to be heard and known in what is really going on under the “I’m fine.”
Therapy can be a space where you are able to slow down for a moment to verbalize and process your truth with a professional listener and find validation, curiosity, compassion and often a healthy strategy to move from...
"I'm fine"
to
"I'm actually doing really well. Most things are not perfect but I am here and alive and figuring it out."
If you are actually “fine” consider finding more creative and expressive ways of describing your reality to your loved one, partner, or therapist.
My best friends and I have a rule that we are not allowed to say "I'm fine" or "It's fine."
We encourage each other be more creative. Sometimes fine means "this is acceptable" which is a flavor of acceptance and that can often be a great thing.
But when an "I'm fine" is covering up years of NOT FINE THINGS OR REALITIES or when we are hurting and things just are not "fine" we find other words.
Reality is where we heal.
Reality is where we meet ourselves.
Reality is where we meet each other.
Reality is where we meet God.
That being said, reality can also expose us to emotional pain which is never delightful to move through... but it is the road to health and wholeness.
In order to heal we have to strop pretending that things don’t hurt us. We begin to heal when we acknowledge what happened, how it made us feel, and create new narratives and healing paths for the pain.
Next time you hear yourself respond with “I’m fine” and other adorable lies, consider making the call, setting the appointment, and entering a space to be known.
Take Heart
Take Care
- SC