truth be told

Feb 12

We are all holding truths tight and close.

We are all not telling the whole truth at all times

. And let me begin by saying ...

that is OKAY.

There are things that we feel to be true or know to be honest that are just meant for us. To be cherished in our hearts. To be held tightly to the chest. To be shared only in the most intimate relationships.

We can not possibly be 100% vulnerable/honest with everyone or in every space because not everyone or every space is safe. Not every truth is ready to be told and not every receiver of our truth is safe to share. Sharing ourselves with others requires wisdom, maturity, and appropriate boundaries.

Reality.

But… there are things that need to be shared.

Things that need to breathe. Truths that need air.

We often smother our truths with heavy wool blankets, stifling, heavy, hot and sweaty, suffocating.

I want to offer the idea that...

Telling the truth is preventive care.

Let me explain….

So often we don’t go to the doctor until we are very ill. There were symptoms that something was not right but we ignored them. We take ibuprofen when we really need something more. Something deeper.

So often we don’t go to the gym until we have 30 extra unwanted pounds on us or an injury we need to heal from.

We avoid the dentist until the tooth is literally decaying and stabbing you with pain.

In the same way we often keep truths/feelings/behaviors/thoughts to ourselves for far longer than is healthy for us and our loved ones.

I am curious to know how to share my truth, in timely fashions, with safe individuals, to avoid explosion or decay.

I just finished Season 3 of BLOODLINE. This show is not for everyone... but it captured me 2 years ago and I fell deep into the waters of this show. BLOODLINE takes you into the inner workings of a well known and celebrated family in Islamorada, Florida.

I won't tell you more than that, but I want to mention that the whole story of this show is birthed out of a lie.

Then another lie.

Then a bigger lie.

Then a nastier lie.

The destruction that explodes from the cover ups is enough to destroy many lives and relationships.

My brain often looks backwards onto what could have been done differently yesterday, to avoid the pain and dysfunction of today.

In the narrative of BLOODLINE there was a legacy of lying and hiding that led to devastation.

So if we rewind <------<<

one way to prevent the storm and wreckage is by...

Telling the truth.

Airing it out.

Letting it breathe.

I would imagine that all of us feel locked in some sort of closet of truths. We want to get out. To share what is real. But we hide.

We sit, alone, suffocating in our darkness because of fear of what the truth will bring. We develop really creative ways of avoiding said fear that may even feel great at the moment but in time move us farther from ourselves.

This musing is meant to stir the souls of those reading.

What are we hiding from ourselves or others ?

A friend of mine wrote a song for our church to sing in our worship gatherings on Sunday nights… one of the lyrics speaks to this... it says...

“Come out of hiding, be seen and be known, for I will go with you wherever you go”

This is reminding us that in the safety of relationship we are able to be seen and known. (This safety can be the relationship with ourselves, others, and God.)

What is heartbreaking is that not all relationships are safe.

There is a call in my community and within the therapy office to create safe spaces for people to be seen, known, and loved.

What if therapy was a safe space? What if church was a safe space? What if our homes were safe spaces? What if our friendships and marriages were safe spaces to share the fullness of who we really are?

Side Note:

“Safe Space” does not mean that people will not have a reaction or response to your truth (they are human too) but it means that we are welcome to risk to be known trusting that the person hearing you will take care of themselves as well in the process and will be open to navigating the response together.

This could be a whoooole other blog on how to navigate these things in relationships but lets keep going here…

How many times have we felt afraid to share our truth?

How many times have we seen it explode later down the road?

I can think of a thousand ways this manifests in our world.

Affairs, drug or alcohol abuse, hidden trauma, unspoken depression, suicidal thoughts, unbelief feigning as belief, and on and on and on...

We can hold our pain, mistakes, or messy truths so close that it often comes out sideways.

What if telling the truth is actually preventive care? Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s scary and your heart beats wildly and your palms become damp…

Let’s make it personal. It seems that sometimes before telling my truth to others I must become aware of it myself. I must become honest with the most intimate relationship I have on this side of the Divine. Myself.

What is even more true is that sharing my truth starts with acknowledging that there is a feeling or truth there that matters and is worth knowing and being curious with myself.

This can be the riskiest move of all.

I have hidden my own truth from myself at times. I have been in hiding from myself.

I would wonder “why do I feel crazy?!” Sometimes in order to appear "strong" and "ok" in front of others, I deny the truth to myself. Sometimes in order to not hurt someone, I will block my own truth from my own knowing. Sometimes in order to not “rock the boat” or be perceived as “too much” I stuff the truth.

The acknowledgment of feelings to myself doesn't fix anything, but it can lead us closer to what we need, desire, and what is even more true. Acknowledgement of our feelings can also help us feel less alone and make me feel lighter and more at home with myself.

Mmmm that sounds like the dream… less alone, lighter, and at home with myself.

So may our truth be told.

As we continue to learn what it means to care for our souls, I present that allowing your truth to be told ( in safe spaces ) is a mighty way to experience freedom and rest.

As I wrap up I'm just gonna leave these quotes right here....

Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth. –William Faulkner