free me, free them
“Surrender yourself and then surrender others.
Is there anybody you need to set free?”
This is an excerpt from my journal from 2016. The version of me writing this was in deeeeep grief while letting go of a person she loved deeply who could not return the same level of love. She had uprooted her life to be with him and in this season he would consistently say “ I want to be close to you but I can not be with you.” She was also in a season where SO MUCH fertilizer and teachings and downloads were being dumped into her soil. It is from this place she writes…
“I want to become a force for grace, compassion, generosity, and kindness and truth. I also want to not extend myself past my capacity into a space where I am offering love or space or time that is not being asked for or reciprocated.
I don’t know that this is the message I received in my religious and relationship messaging in my formation.
Encouraging us to give and selflessly serve others with strong boundaries and a firm spine.
I am curious if one of the ways we do this is we begin with fully being gracious, generous, kind, and truthful with ourselves and then turning things over - surrendering.
Do the work and then intrust ourselves and others to the Divine.
This will free you and it will also free them…
What a concept.
I am being asked…
“Are you giving something to someone who can’t appreciate it?”
What about this…?
don’t give things to people who are not ready for it.
don’t give things to people to try to control them.
don’t give things to people who are not ready.
what if you surrender people so that you can actually be present with them
because they do not actually belong to you.
it hurts so good.
my prayer for myself and for you if this resonates…
“may you live in the world with an abiding serenity
may generosity pour out of you
may you have strong strong boundaries
may you befriend anxiety and release it
may you surrender yourself to divine trust
knowing that they are going to be okay and so are you
may grace and peace be with you
let it be so. “
I hope this is comforting to you today and maybe many others for years to come… even myself.”
Revisiting this journal was comforting to me today.
This version of myself who still struggles to surrender.
To love without agenda. To give freely and live with boundaries.
I love her then and how she was leaning in to love me now.